I’ve always enjoyed watching Inside The Actors Studio. And often imagined myself sitting there, opposite Mr. James Lipton. As he would ask me seemingly random questions about my life and choices, I would fire back with clever answers coyly revealing the depths and truths of human nature and all the wisdom I store on the back shelves of my jumbled up mind. A witty banter would ensue garnering me the admiration and respect of the masses. At last, the world would be at my fingertips, people would heed way in my presence, yet gather around in hopes that I might impart my great wisdom upon them.
Foolishness never had a greater fan than I. But alas, this may be my only chance to partake in this fantasy of mine. So with no further adieu, I give you the tail-end of my yet to be recorded interview with the great James Lipton.
1. What is your favorite word? This is a difficult one I must say, kinda like picking your favorite child I imagine. So many different reasons and applications. If I were to choose one, it would have to have a flowing quality to it, the sound it makes, something like Lavishly. There, how about that that one? It has a connotation to it that brings forth an imagine of beauty and seduction. Like a gleaming steeled razor edge, draped with violet colored silk. How’m I doin’ so far?
2. What is your least favorite word? This I’d have to say would have to go pretty much straight in the other direction. Either that or just about anything some one uses to sound like they’re really smart and drive a point home, but probably doesn’t know the actual meaning of. I can’t really think of a word I hate or despise, it would have to be in the usage of it. I’m slippin’ I know.
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Definitely sadness. When you see, or I see some one in emotional pain, and I mean true emotional pain, anguish that is. I can somehow feel inside me that there’s nothing I can do for that person, that no one can do. When there’s nothing you can do to “make it alright”, and you know that person has to bear this burden on their own for the rest of their lives and you can see sadness in their eyes. You know that look when you can see their soul. In that I see beauty.
4. What turns you off? When people whine. Plain and simple
5. What is your favorite curse word?
I can detect some one from Detroit simply by the word Mudderfucker. Never known anybody else to use that term, you have to say it fast Mudderfucker. There you go, you got it. But this is not my favorite, I knew a guy once that would bounce back and forth from St.Thomas. And upon return from his first stay on the island he told us all of a word they used down there, quite ubiquitously I understand. A very strong and offensive word, the kind you would have to spit forcefully on the ground after you said it in true derision. It probably sounds ten times better if spoken with a true island accent and used in a mix of the local vernacular. That word would be Muddaskunt, once again spoken very fast with the umpff being on the last syllable. Like, “You try come ’round here pushin’ dat rag money, dirty tievin’ muddaskunt!” I don’t have the slightest clue what that might actually mean, it just sounded like it should go together.
6. What sound or noise do you love? Rain on a tin roof. It can be annoying as hell if you’re not used to it and trying to sleep, but If you’re around it long enough, you’ll never forget it. And it will carry you to places you can only dream as it dances you to sleep. Ahhh, the nostalgia.
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Rain on a tin roof. No, no, no, I’m just kidding, I try to be funny every now and then. Without a doubt nails on a chalkboard, I’m folding my fingernails in and trying to hold them down in between words here. It truly gets to me, just the thought of it at all. Uh! Next question James. Quick!
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I don’t like the word attempt there. Whenever I take to something, I’ll master it to the best of my capabilities, or at least to my satisfaction. Were it not for the time and my lack of patience I’d say I’d love to be an artist, or musician. Drawing and either, guitar or piano specifically. If that’s any where near specific. Oh, I’d love to be able to sing beautifully,like Michael Stipe or some onelike that. But that I fear is by no means up to me.
9. What profession would you not like to do? Probably, social worker or anything involving dealing with government forms. I’d definitely go postal. I hate it when I can see a clear path to the answer or solution, but nobody will let me do it and make me do all this extra bullshit to get to the same place. Only it takes longer and shit gets confused along the way because of all the bureaucracy and red tape.
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? What I’d like to hear him say and what I expect him to say are two totally different things. What I’d like to hear him say is, “You were right all along, it is just a game. What would you like to play next?”. What I expect him to say is something a little more like this. “Well to tell you the truth, I don’t decide whether you may or may not enter. Only you can make that decision. Now if you feel that you have done everything right and you deserve to, you will be accepted and welcomed into The Kingdom for all of eternity. But if you lie to yourself and you try to enter, well you know how that’s gonna end up. If you think you should have done better, you can go back and try it again if you like. It’s up to you, only you can let you into heaven, it’s your choice.”
And this folks concludes my semi-interview with the not so present James Lipton. I will now take questions from the audience. Fire away.
Daily Prompt: Inside the Actor’s Studio